Someone Like You

I had a dream last night that I saw him (I was staying at his aunt's house and he came to visit) and I unleashed every last piece of my hurt and bitterness and my you-picked-the-bitch-who-didnt-want-to-give-you-your-share-of-the-security-deposit-even-when-you'd-lost-your-job-and-didnt-have-an-income-over-me? on him and he didn't get it. And when I woke up, I felt better for all of one second because I let it out, but then I remembered it was a dream.

I'm waiting

And I absolutely know better.

I'm not expecting anything, but I really, really want to see him. I've started having dumb dreams again about exactly what will happen when I see him. It's all very boring really. He comes in, we smile like idiots, hug, I cry, he comforts me for a minute. I tell him where his stuff is and he goes upstairs and gets it. In one version of the dream, she is in the car, waiting outside. In another, he just loads up his stuff and he leaves. I go back in, and watch TV.

The good news is that if the last year is any predictor of the future, he wont show up.

I should probably make plans to be somewhere other than at home once he leaves.

This.

My self confidence is back. I remember blogging a long time ago about vacationing with 2 beautiful women with self image issues and being very uncomfortable because I had never had any major issues with the way I looked.

As hard as it is to admit it, that changed while I was with him.

And being away from him for the past year and a half has me back to where I used to be. Walking past the mirror and loving what I see.

Wow.

I am shocked at how much that hurt. And it wasn't what you said. It was what you didn't say. Apparently, no matter what you think, you're never not alone.

Wow. I need a day to process it, then I'll be fine.

I hope.

Yup

She was wrong. Not the best evaah, but not sucky. :D