Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I worry, I weigh three times my body

So maybe there is some truth to calling me an over-achiever.  Maybe.

Hi, long time, gosh, you've changed, did you lose weight? etc etc

I know, missing the year in review. You will deal.

So I moved south to take what I should consider the utter dream job and I really should be sitting on my couch just SMUG because I'm the shit up in this bitch.

Nope. Definitely not the case. Sitting here frozen and filled with very Nigerian "may mates are all _____" syndrome. Wondering if I shouldn't be so much more than I am today. I really need someone to draw me a bell curve and point me to exactly where I truly lie in relation to "my mates" so I can get some sleep. I'm beginning to suspect that this constant feeling of not being enough, not doing enough, not achieving enough will never go away.

There will always be someone else who preceded me that people reference with a wistful sigh and high praise. I need to become comfortable with that. With the knowledge that there is a legion of people more insightful, impactful, efficient, intelligent than I. And that it is okay that I am not part of that number.

Why is being average so scary?

I'm going to take my tired ass to bed and worry about this all tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after until I'm so busy at sexy new job that I have no room to think stupid thoughts.

I think my challenge for the next 30 days is to attempt to live this for a month. Lets see if it makes me feel better:
“We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life." -- Steve Jobs