Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Taking Stock 2011

I probably should have done this right before the end of the year, but better late than never, right?

I'm more confused than I've ever been but I do know a few things for sure: I believe in a God who loves and cares about me and is willing to interfere with the "normal" flow of things on my behalf. I also, contradictorily (is that a word?), believe in a God that allows horrible things happen for no good reason. I no longer believe I am special and everything will work out for good. I believe in the power of prayer as a source of comfort, if not much else.

Like I said last time I did this, "I love them I love them I love them. As crazy as they drive me, I love them." I just got back from an amazing trip to Lagos with them and had a riot. My parents are so special to me, and I love seeing the small ways my dad shows emotion, missing us when we leave, getting jealous when we shower my mom with more attention than him, and other cute ways of letting us know that we are special to him. My mom shows love in an interesting way (usually with her voice raised) but its cute. Worrying about whether or not we eat, if we have chocomilo to take back to america or if there is enough snail in the house for us all and reporting our constant wakabouting to every friend who stops by makes me laugh and smile and roll my eyes all at the same time. It was a good year, and full of renewed relationships with cousins and I look forward to even more for 2012.

I am so so so so grateful this year for my friends. The end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 was possibly the hardest period I have ever experienced, and I give all gratitude to my friends for helping pull me through. A friend of mine always gets irritated by women who say "I'm only friends with guys because all women are ______" and though I have historically had more male close buddies than women, 2011 was the year of the phenomenal women. I HAVE to agree with my friend. My girls worried about me, called me to check in, slept on my couch on random days, invited me over to do random mundane shit, hooked me up with random guy friends as distractions, listened to me cry, listened to me whine, listened to me wallow, and never, ever complained and never told me to "suck it up". I'm sure they were sick of me, but they hid it so well, and I will be eternally grateful. By June, the year was 3000 times better, and I may not be as close to some of the people who stood by me then right now, but I will never forget the (extended) moment in time when I needed people to prop me up and they opened their hearts completely.
I also learned that friendships are sometimes for a season. Because I was there for you/you were there for me at a specific important time does not mean we have to be joined at the hip for eternity. Like love, friendship wanes and waxes and that is okay. It doesn't mean we love each other any less. I've realized my circle of friends is actually quite small and people move in and out of that group over the years, but I love my people hard. And nothing gives me more joy than spending time with an old friend, and realizing we get along exactly the same way we used to and that time and distance have meant nothing.
My hope for 2012 is to be the friend that I needed in 2011.

So I'm not totally satisfied with my progress here, but progress has been made. My excellent credit is 21 points more excellent, I entered 2012 completely debt free, I started saving for my Naija trip last April, and didn't have to dip into my emergency fund/mid-term savings account to finance the trip and there is still enough in there for two smaller 2012 trips. I still haven't reached my 6 months expenses goal in my emergency fund, but I hope that one is complete by August 2012 if I am VERY disciplined.

The end.
Okay, kidding. I think I've given up on the business school idea, (though Stanford still beckons at me) and I've started making moves to get me to where I need to be. Fingers crossed for a major difference by the end of Q1 2012.
So, yeah, this year was...interesting. If I learned anything, I learned that I have no idea what I want. I also learned that most other people are on this same boat. I'm currently content, and grateful for how things turned out, and hopefully will have more to report at the end of 2012. Otherwise, things are relatively quiet in a good way.

Physical Health and Fitness
I'm fine. I need to do better tho. *glares at gut*

Addictions/Bad habits/Social Life
I'm not addicted to anything. I talk too much, but have learned slowly to share less. My social life was awesome in 2011. Spent a lot of time with people that make me happy, and I plan to do more of the same in the coming year.

My theme for 2011 was to "enjoy the journey". I absolutely, unquestionably did. I stopped and smelled the roses every chance I got. I'm generally a happy person, and being depressed at the beginning of the year for the first (and hopefully, only) time in my life has made me so so appreciative of this feeling that I want to hold on to it and appreciate it and discuss it and relish it as much as I possibly can. I'm still unclear what my theme for 2012 will be, but I'm still hanging on to the gratitude and enjoying the journey from previous years.
Here's to an even more rewarding 2012.

1 comment:

Original Mgbeke said...

Loved reading this. May your 2012 be amazing.