For a Friend

So Im Back to Being Psycho.

Eh. Thats life.

February should return me to sanity....or make me even more crazy.

I fucking hate it

when I'm fucking FINALLY getting over you then you fucking call. Why do you do this? I've gone through all the 4 stages of grief over you and I'm finally moving on with my life and doing my work again and I'm able to concentrate and you don't inhabit my every thought, then you call.

Why are you calling me?

YOU cut me off. You stopped returning calls. YOU acted like you never knew me and finally I'm accepting your grad assholery and not caring then you call and I re-cycle.

How do you know when I am getting over you? its like as soon as I spend a day not thinking about you, a becaon goes off somewhere in your head and and you destroy all my progress. if you walk away, stay away. Please.
For the sake of my sanity. I don't have the time to psychoanalyze everything you said or did with everyone all over again and try to make sense of it. I can't handle it. Please walk away. Clean breaks are sooo much healthier for us all.



*on behalf of a friend. She just got the call and I totally understand whats happening in her head and I can't help but sympathize. I've been through it too many times. *

Why do I feel so sad?

I told you I was coming.

You were so excited. At first I was like "huh?" I haven't talked to you in years, why are you so amped? Then I thought about it and I was flattered. I figured, it must really suck up there. We'll be cool. And I guess God is taking care of me and dealing with my meeting people worried ahead of time. But then I get here I have to call you to find out anything thats ever happening. I'm not even an after-thought. I'm a returned phonecall, when I just called to see if you wanted to do anything. Im a " I totally forgot to tell you" "I meant to call you" "I didn't think you'd be interested".

Yeah. I guess I'm not interested anymore.

And if you see this, I don't want to talk about it.

And the rest of you. Its like that huh? I fight and struggle to include everyone in everything and NOT ONE OF YOU thought of me. Not one.

Why am I surprised?

Starting over. I need to stop being so freaking unsuspecting and open.

Serenity Now!

I'm here. I'm sane.

Life is funny and people are funnier. Femi Kuti is a sweetheart in jackass clothing (just the way I like 'em) but I'm letting that one go.

This weekend, I'm studying for the finance makeup test (and searing never to call Business Majors dummies ever again), so that is solved (I hope).

I had lunch with Femi on thursday like we always do, and I told him about the awful group I'm in for that other class, and he made me feel so much better. I told him I missed my dad and he immediately pulled out his wallet and agaveme a phone card. He also made it clear that we were good friends and he truly enjoyed my company , but that was as far as emotion went (don't worry, I didnt hint anything, and I don't think he suspects anything either, I got that out of him using some wuru wuru to the answer) and I decided I agree with him. I think if we dated, the little things he does that irk me would drive me absolutely insane so I.m leaving that alone. Please understand this is MY blog and so that does not constitute a promise I won't talk about this anymore (you should be so lucky).

The group? I talked to my dad and Femi and my uncle about it. its still up in the air, but I feel much better. I suspect I was very hormonal, and that was why i was so upset. We'll see.

I ended up going Salsa dancing with Femi and his crush. "Am I mad?" you ask? not at all. She asked , I said no. He asked, I said no. So they came and GOT me at 11:30pm in my house while I was in my pyjama's with a sarf on my head, looking like Risikatu. *Smh*

I'm glad I went though. It was a lot of fun and she seems like a genuinely nice person, and she is a great dancer. I need lessons!!!!

I sought strength from Him and He gave. Thanks, you guys, for caring.