So I moved into my own place last weekend...

So far, I LOVE IT. LOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT. I love arriving home at night, I love waking up in the morning and knowing there's no one there but me and its all mine, I love walking naked from my bedroom to my kitchen (I don't have a trashcan in my bedroom jo), and I am beyond excited about furniture shopping.

Im still freaking out just a tad about expenses and making mental notes to remove all the incandescent bulbs and replace them with flourescent ones but I think I'll be fine. I need to clean the place properly, my cable and internet gets set up on saturday and I'll be HOME! Woohooo.

So I need to buy a set of couches, a TV (and TV stand) and maybe a small dining table. Side tables, a coffee table and a small carpet (rug) for the living room would be nice, but I know I don't have to do those this second. If work wasn't so awful right now, I'd be half through this list, but as it is, I havent even had time to clean the old place and hand over the keys to the landlord.

Im really excited, but sorta worried at the same time about being lonely. I know, although Ive always had a room-mate, my most recent roommate was never ever home and the ones before that, we really didn't talk so its not like Im missing someone to hang with. I guess I just liked knowing there was someone there.

We'll see. Another new chapter.

In unrelated news, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY MSN PASSWORD IS!!! Aaaarrrgh!

As Usual

I'm worrying about money. According to CNN money, I should be saving 10.9% of my income for retirement. So I guess this 3% in my 401-k really wont fly. Of course this comes after I signed my lease on my $1400 apartment.

Not like it would have changed my mind much sha, let me not lie. I'm going to furnish the heck out of that place and actually LIVE there. And I'm going to love every second of it.

Just read this article on the NY times site and I don't know how I feel about it. The argument is that she fought to keep her marriage without fighting. And she says she didn't beg him to stay. Not letting him leave is the same as asking him to stay. Fantasia said "If you don't want me, then don't talk to me. Go ahead and free yourself." Go.

Which maybe points back to me not being ready to be married and swallow my own pride and fight for something bigger.

Everyday some new facet of marriage shows itself to me and scares me. No warm fuzzies here. Yesterday it was the couple who went to Mexico for their first anniversary who got hit by some wave while swimming. He died. How does she survive? Today it's men trying to leave you and using the children as an excuse. "The kids would want me to be happy". I have never heard anything as stupid in my life.

*sigh*

Adulthood isn't easy.

On the other hand, a question posed by a friend today made me realize that I don't have any person-specific reservations about boo anymore. At least none that I can think of this moment.

I guess we'll see where this goes.

Blankets...

I'd love to create traditions with people I know.

Like I know this one guy who used to read comics and graphic novels. And even though he thnks I'm insane and we do not speak at all because I think he is rude and lacks social skills, ever since I met him, I haven't been able to shake the idea of making him that friend who whenever I go to Barnes and Noble and buy a new graphic novel, I finish it and automatically put it in the mail for him. And I get surprise package books of my own to read. We don't speak on the phone and gist or hang out or anything. We just get random books in the mail.

Im secretly hoping that he secretly reads this and sends me "Blankets" by Craig Thompson.

So I opened my super secret other blog to go vent, and I found out that it had been hijacked by spam bots! Hmph! Nonsense and ingredients.

I'm quite annoyed and refuse to open a third.

Moving in 2 weeks. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. A lot of space, first time living alone, and the apartment costs an arm and about 12 legs, so I'm freaking out a little about money (and for some stupid reason checking my bank balance every day, like that is going to decrease my rent. Hmph.).

My old roomie is being a pain and wants to switch the electricity bill to my name for the one month I'm here without her which is irritating considering that I'm moving out halfway through the month and so I'll be opening another account with them overlapping the time (and as far as I know, they wont let you have 2 at the same time....not entirely sure about that one sha). *hiss*. I am not clear what difference it would make if we left it as is and I deposited money into her account as we've always done. *Sigh* One more reason to live alone and not have to deal.

I need to go furniture shopping. At last, my own place, so I fully intend to completely furnish it within the first month. Well, at least couches, if not wall art. I'm excited.

And what is it with all these people popping babies? And quitting their jobs in a recession?

I forgot how awesome "The Breakup" was. And sorta think mine will be just like that. Which is a depressing thought. But I do depressing.

And now "you oughta know" is stuck in my head.

Am I just easy?

I have got on a shitload of planes to go visit guys. Guy's I'm friends with, guys I'm "talking to", guys I'm dating, guys I'm in crush with. All of it.

And I've only ever had one dude pay half (and that sure didn't turn out well, but that's a looooong story for another day. Yes, sirree, I paid for all the other tickets myself. Heck , the question didn't even come up about whether or not they'd be paying all or part of my my way. I went out,had fun came back and thought nothing of it....

....Until today when a friend of mine started a facebook discussion on whether or not it meant "He's not that into you" if he didn't offer to pay for at least half your ticket.

Dang.

So according to the first 57 responses, he should offer. (Okay, slight exaggeration. Not all 57 said that. Maybe only 56). And I'm here doing a silent tally in my head wondering "chei, I've wasted how many thousand dollars 'catching trips' " when I shoulda been doing that junk for free!

So my expectation has always been to pay my own way, then maybe pay for one meal before I leave as a "thanks for the hospitality" but sorta assume he'll pay my expenses while I'm there (abeg jo, tickets are expensive, and I AM a guest. But I carry vex money sha. I have definitely encountered the occasional cheapskate).

Is that odd?

The Haters that be...

Have abused me about comment moderation, so I have removed it.

:D

He's out of my life.

Michael is gone sha.

*shakes head*

Craziness. Who ever thought he was less than immortal?

One of my earliest childhood memories is wanting, no, needing to listen to Thriller because I LOVED that song, but being to scared to watch the video. I would go and hide under the couch in the living room so I could hear the song without seeing the images (you'd think I would know that turning my face away from the screen would have the same effect, huh?).

Craziness. That mans effect on people will never be duplicated:



No one can do this. Who came close? I was talking to a friend last night and we couldn't come up with number 2.

I do believe he was a pedophile, and very disturbed, but that doesn't take one thing away from his musical genius. And we have him to thank for Celebrity-causes. We are the World came before Band AID. He was the precursor to every Bono and Bill and Melinda Gates and Angelina Jolie and George Clooney. He popularized celebrities using their fame to bring attention and much needed support to humanitarian causes. Many many sick children loved the oppotunity to spend a portion of their last days on his Ranch ( I just hope he didn't give those ones "Jesus Juice").

I was and will forever be a huge fan. And apparently, so will the rest of the world. As at 5 minutes ago, 7 of the top 10 albums on iTunes were Michael Jackson album (all of the top 5). My prayers go out to his family, especially his young children. I hope there was at least one trusted person who will look out for them. One of his lawyers said last night that if we thought Anna Nicole Smith was surrounded by opportunistic, self-serving, sycophantic leeches, I'm paraphrasing) , Michael's was worse. I pray god protect those children, and provide for them.

Gone too soon.

Im listening to semi-depressing music and feeling sorry for myself. I keep trying to find ways to improve my outlook, and maybe the attitude change will make it all better, but it doesnt. A new monkey wrench is always thrown in. E go better. I at least have a job. 

First things first tho, I can hate my new consultant all I want, but I need to make sure he doesnt know that. 

Q2 2009

Is officially in effect and I missed most of my Q1 Goals. Ha.

1. Updated resume- check

Thats about it.

Positive Ideas please!

So as everyone who knows me is aware, work has been a little hellish for over a year now. I have found that the cheery morning person I used to be has disappeared and I walk in each day not just sad to be at work, but thinking and expecting the worst of people. Small slights which might not have been malicious are automatically assumed to be direct attacks which generally wreck my already bad day.

I need to figure out ways to inject positivity into my day, which will also help uplift my mood. Whatever it is I do, though, has to be independent of my coworkers, as theyre the cause of my headaches in the first place.

Last year, I made things bearable by going out in the middle of the day to buy cupcakes with a coworker. We would buy a box of 4 in different flavors and share each one while trading war stories. Unfortunately, she left to go volunteer somewhere/go to gradschool and I am left without a cupcake buddy. Also, I don't think my scale or my dentist appreciate the habit.

I'm trying to figure out something else I could do (especially since its summertime almost) that will bring my smile back .

This Can't be Life.

I feel off.

I feel like I am actually becoming that person I used to wish I was. I used to be really open and chatty and tell anyone who would sit still long enough to listen everything there was to know about me. Now I don't. Not because I'm suddenly secretive, but because I really have nothing to say. There is nothing to be said. Things are shitty. I am fine.

This started a couple months ago when I was feeling really down, but just wouldn't talk to anyone or say anything. People noticed and I guess were used to the regular me and kinda asked, got my " I really don't feel like talking" response and were confused by it. I felt awful and have since made the effort to talk, not because I have shit to say, but because I almost feel like its expected of me. Things got better and it got easier to "tell" even if I didn't feel like it.

Well now things are shit again and I really don't want to talk to anyone or do anything other than stay in my bed in my house and be alone. I know they all just want to help but I don't feel like explaining what is going on, don't feel like telling you why your helpful suggestions won't work. I don't feel like dealing with the guilt of you taking it personal when I say that even calling to say "I don't feel like talking. I'm going to bed. Goodnight" feels like a chore.

I just need to go back home and let things get better. I don't truly believe the will anymore though. I just say it now.

I guess in good news the ONE thing keeping me at my job seems to be moving forward. I should be excited, but I haven't told a soul about it. Not being secretive, I am just utterly uninterested.

I want to end the post by saying "it will get better" but I feel like a liar.

I'm tired.

Could I stay if you cheated?

When your life is going too fast, off the train tracks... 

I kinda miss this..

there was a time I was on here multiple times a day.

*sigh*

I am content. Kind of.

Work is still what it is but I'm glad Im not worried about being fired, and my H-1 is valid for another couple years, so things are okay there.

I really hate it when women waddle. I have a new coworker who started last week who can't be a day over 26. She has these beautiful wide hips and a very curvy figure, but she waddles.

Like a duck.

Its so.... unsexy. Everytime I see her walk, I push back my shoulders and straighten my back and make sure I'm putting one foot in front of the other and making sure my motion is centered around my spine, and not side-to-side. eh. I guess her waddling adds a little sexy to my step.

Booboo and I recognize that we're probably doomed but aren't doing anything about it. We'll see. Maybe I'm being the eternal pessimist as always.

Work should be insane but I don't give a damn anymore, which has had the most unusual effect of improving my efficiency.

Tax season has me depressed.

I simply can't get enough of http://music.gidilounge.com . At home, at work, sitting in my cube winding my waist and ko mole-ing.

The Ex is being friendly. I don't know how I feel about that.

I need a complete wardrobe overhaul, but I'm not getting that tax refund check I was hoping for.

Eh.

Q1 2009

1. Prepare for the FE exam
2. Update my resume
3. See a dentist
4. Invest in Nigeria
5. Take the GMAT?

I'm Drowning

And I can't find a life-saver.

How the eff am I supposed to not be scared?

When I think of you and how you'll be affected with every decison I take and you constantly tell me how I am my own person and I can do whatever I want?

When you randomly tell me you want to move to damn near Siberia (okay, I know, absolute exaggeration, but still!)

Awesome song came on. I'm going to go and curl up in my burning room when i get done slow-dancing.

Wow.

I am shocked at how much that hurt. And it wasn't what you said. It was what you didn't say. Apparently, no matter what you think, you're never not alone.

Wow. I need a day to process it, then I'll be fine.

I hope.

I need a new blog

So I'm getting one.

I'll be around.

Yup

She was wrong. Not the best evaah, but not sucky. :D