Nigeria, We hail Thee!

This was adapted from an email I sent to a buddy. He said something about naija men and how they seem to be the brunt of every joke, the bad guy, the Tony Montana to all of our sensibilites. We call them uncouth, liars, Cheats, 419-ers and a host of other horrifying names and my friend asked the question "is it really the naijamans fault?"

My overlong response [lol.....the email I was responding to was about 3 lines long] was:

If you pay a policeman too little to feed his family, how do you want him to survive?

I hate people hating on the police for taking bribes etc when they don't realise that it's not their fault, it's our fault. You want a man to protect the peace when he has no home to shelter his family?

A boy goes to school and gets a degree in chemical engineering, but cannot get a job anywhere then we get angry that he cheated some greedy SOB who wanted $2,000,000 of Abacha's money that he didnt work for?

Unfortunately women dont get accused of the same crimes, because women in Nigeria don't do that. Our society is so sick that it is much easier for a naija girl to find a rich man who has abandoned his real family [his son is probably the one sending 419 emails, because his father said his mother was a witch and refused to continue paying school fees] and is willing to pay for her housing, food clothing, and whatever else she may need for a little loving on the side.

And her poor policeman father cannot open his mouth and ask her not to do it because he knows that she is paying her 4 younger siblings school fees and putting food on the table which he couldn't dream of doing because he hasn't been paid in 3
months.

*sigh*

I am not my Hair

or this skin or that degree or that *cringe* bank balance or these 3687 mp3s on my iPod.

Although, I am rather proud of that last one.

My hair has bothered me so much, that I had a dream last night about dying and being readopted by my family [ or something like that] and anyhow, my natural mother was half white so the resulting me was the exact same bautiful dark skinned me with the exact same beautiful african features, except I had that covetted long super curly, super unmanagable "mixed" hair.

It was long and full and all over the place. And I loved it. Somewhere in there, I woke up. And I remembered every conversation I've had with my natural haired sister and natural haired buddy about cutting my hair and going natural. And then I got online and saw African shirts blog and India's video, and I think its certain now. Im going natural.....someday.

For now, I'm going to do everything I ever wanted to do with it, but was too scared to do. I am going to get a beautiful completely fake long curly mid-back length weave. And I'm going to love it. And then maybe after that, right before I chop it all off, I'm going to get one of those short uuberfunky assymetric cuts that look fabulous. Then I'm going to make like India.Arie and go bald.

Drat. Cant do that. I have this weird birthmark on my scalp. Ugh. Moving on.

And finally [for at least this chapter of my life] I am going to watch it grow slowly, naturally, un-messedwithably.

Do the Shuffle

This was yoinked from Pilgrimage to Self:

Turn your MP3 player on random and list the first 15 tracks it plays (regardless of how embarrassing they may be):

1. Ancient Words (Live) - Michael W. Smith
2. Ol' Keeper - Anthony Hamilton
3. Satisfied - Prince
4. Turn Da Lights Off - Tweet feat. Missy Elliot
5. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
6. Seems Like You're Ready - R. Kelly [embarrassed by this one]
7. U R The One - Usher
8. When Doves Cry - Prince [more Prince? who woulda thunk it?]
9. Mo Se Ori Ire - Paul "Play" Dairo
10. Hero - Chad Kroeger and that guitarist dude
11. Sympin - Boyz II Men [I would have been sorely embarrassed if BIIM didnt make the list!]
12. Voodoo Reprise - Cassandra Wilson and Anjelique Kidjo
13. This Love - Donell Jones
14. Where There's Gold - Seal
15. Here I am - Dynasty

lol. No John Mayer. How absolutely unfair! I have absolutely everything he ever did!

Double Standards

I hate it when men think it's okay to say shit like this to me

Stupid Asshole: ah ah./...i jus saw d pic on facebbok...u really loookin gud
She... says: lol
Me: eshe oh [thank you]
Stupid Asshole: awon bobos nko....
Me: none in Michigan oh
Me: at least i havent met them
Me: there are some hotties i Chicago sha...
Stupid Asshole: damn...u must be horny as hell

I think I have some left over Queen's College prude in me. Either that or Im just stuck up. Especially considering I had just promised to feel him up in a club if I saw him perform in Chicago instead of Maryland.

But that's a whole other story.

Like a Woman

I'm growing.

I don't know if I like it yet. I'm not ambivalent, but I'm not hating it anymore. I'm not scared of it anymore. I'm taking it one day at a time. If I keep going like this, I'm going to wake up one day and be 800 :smile:

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well

-- Diane Ackerman

Listening to good music as always. So far today, Lynden David Hall and The Tony Rich Project [hence the title... if you dont know that song, go find it. I promise its that good].

WHERE IS MARY DUNNE? I miss you lady! Come back home! I pray all is well.

I want to start the purpose driven life, but I'd hate to do it alone. I actually think I'm overextending myself. I have far too many books I'm supposed to be reading right now. its beautiful outside. Everyday now, I walk by Kodak moments. Water dripping off the budding trees after the sprinklers go off. Water glistening on the grass. Ducks outside my building [at work...Imagine!] New Tulips.

I need a camera soon! I need too many things and I have far too little money. I need about $33,000 in tuition money for dream school [its interesting how my first choice school changes every few weeks] , probably another $20,000 for other expenses [new apartment, health insurance, etc], a car, a laptop, a vacation.

*sigh*

Where was my Dad when people were selling their souls [and their country] to the devil for 30 pieces of silver?

I keed. Im grateful I can with pride that my father is an honest man. In the midst of al lkinds of corruption, he taught me to be proud of my name and speak with authority about what is right and wrong without needing to be PC to avoid people rummaging for skeletons in closets.

The Lord will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus

So I wrote my first piece today

:giggles like a schoolgirl:

It wasnt very original, and it was very short, but I got great feedback. The muse may yet be here

I'll C&P.

He's looking at me.

I know it. I know it because I've been looking at him since we got here.

Well, maybe not the entire time. It was hard to remember anyone existed when that song came on. The world became a blur as I moved, all caution to the wind. I didn't care how I looked or what anyone thought. I twisted and turned and swung and let completely loose. My hair was everywhere, my purse, shoved in the hands of a waiting friend while I let the rhythm take over. I danced till my stomach hurt. And it felt good. As the music changed to one of those songs you and I both know by heart, but not because we like it, but because someone somewhere paid someone to have it played on the radio 8000 times, I made my way to the bar to get an apple martini.

And that was when I saw him looking. He toasts me silently and I smile back.
I make my way back to where my girls are talking about how I took over the floor. I laugh and sip my drink slowly. The music is good. There is no point wasting a good night to baraje by being intoxicated.

I steal a glance at him.

O my God, he's coming over. My heart skips a beat. I know I look a hot mess. I've ben dancing, I'm hot and sweaty and I haven't been to the bathroom to do damage control yet. Omygodomygodomygodomygod--Hi *smile, Tori, smile*

Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself. *omygodomygodheisGOOOOOORGEOUS*

Ha, ha! I need to catch my breath for a moment. Save me one.

I finish my drink, and make my way to the bathroom to see how bad it is. Not bad at all surprisingly. Most of my makeup is gone, but I look....alive. I grab my hair up in a ponytail and deal with a little forehead shine. I wait for her to get done and we re-enter the party and its like the DJ knows me.

"No-no-no-NOTORIOUS"

aww HEEEEELLLL NO!!! He took it back to 1999!!!!

I start moving right there. She laughs, and takes my purse without needing to ask. I spot the rest of the crew on the dancefloor and make a beeline for them....

As I begin to SCHOOL them on how its done, he appears at my elbow. In a second, I feel like proposing. We dance like we've been partners forever. He knows when I'm going to go forward, he anticipates my hip flick and counters perfectly. I'm in heaven. I don't remember who I came with or even what song is playing. All I know is the rhythm and our bodies moving in perfect unison.


*baraje: Nigerian term for losing yourself in the music.

Selling Out

Someone I have a lot of respect for as a person, a writer and a blogger once described my old blog as "excellent". That shocked me and made me feel extremely special. And it was all downhill from there.

I have this top secret dream of writing. I don't know what I want to write, but I want to be published. PhD dissertations don't count. Part of my quest for immortality. I have watched my blogs deteriorate at an amazing rate. I think I read too many blogs. The more I read, the more I find myself unconsciously trying to imitate. I find myself trying to anticipate what people who read my blogs want to see. And I find myself sucking.

But it's hard not to try to imitate....There are some absolutely fabulous Nigerian blogs out there! I had the most vivid dream last night; I found out that blogger had hired an entire team of Nigerian Bloggers as staff members, because of how amazing all the blogs were. Okay, in the dream, I was in a dorm room for grad students in Queens College with Lolu and one of the Blogger staff members and some random other QC girls who were doing everything from attending law school to heck, I don't remember..., but I digress. The point is that it is embedded in my deepest subconscious that there are a zillion bloggers waay better than I will ever be, but therein lies the dilemma: Why do I care?

Blogging for me used to be a place I used to empty my head. My best blogs are written early in the morning, before I read anything, see anything, or talk to anyone. I wake up at 3:17am and have a Eureka moment, and run to the internet to pour it out. Usually, it comes out 57 times worse than it was in my head, but then I read it 6 months later and its still absolutely fantastic. I need to do a lot of tweaking, but the heart is still there. I need to get back to that place. Blogging for me and not for the people.

*sigh*

Time will tell.

I had about 800 Eureka Moments last night. But I'm not going to blog them. I'm going to let them marinate and return to my subconscious and re-emerge as something else.

Till then, please don't misunderstand my few and far between comments as disinterest. I'm reading...and I'm horribly jealous. I'm just trying to get back to doing it for me. I must behead the attention-whore.

Brand New Jones

It's amazing what good music does for the soul. Iwas slowly but surely slipping back into my familiar melancholy over the past week as evidenced by my new playlist on my mp3 player

• Release Me [Wilson Phillips]
• I Love Your Way [Will to Power]
• Fast car (acoustic) [Tracy Chapman]
• Nobody Knows [Tony Rich Project]
• Smile [Tamia]
• Better Man [Robbie Williams]
• California Dreamin' [Queen Latifah]
• Home [Brian McKnight]
• Officially Missing you [Tamia]

but then, as I walked to work, I bumped into Robin Thicke and literally danced all the way here.

Busy day ahead, but it should be good.

Is it a bad thing that I am a total attention whore? That isn't even rhetorical. There is a correct answer. No. it is me. And I shall revel in it. No apologies.

Playlists are pure joy. Words are simply incomplete. Now an entire song? Or A group of songs! I can define places, feelings , poeple.... no, not people, but how I feel about certain people by my playlists. And you leave them alone and let them mariante for a couple of months then dig them out one day and enjoy the transportation back in toime to another place, another feeling.

*sigh*

It's been soo long since I made a good playlist... I think the last one was This time last year, quite possibly even later...

So I got Tagged Again....

...And since I'm a lazy bum, I'm going to C & P off my other blog. If you read my old blog, just read the very bottom of this one...that's all that changed. And I'm not tagging anyone. Thank me later.

1. He's gotta like to dance with me. [Lol, i got dancing on the brain].
2. Ineka will beat me up if I lie and say this isnt in there. He's gotta be tall. And preferably slim. [that isn't absolute, but that's where my head is right now].
3. I've gotta fall in love with his mind. Therefore he must be a reader. There is something reading random books does to peoples heads that... *shiver*
4. He has to be able to take charge without making me feel patronised or snubbed. Know how to pick his battles with me without making me feel ignored.
5. Spontaneity is always good. I think every man should take a 2 hour course on the importance of moments to a relationship.
6. He's gotta love God more than I do. Okay, that's just selfish, but sometimes I need someone to remind me/ keep me focused.
7. He's gotta know how to laugh and make me laugh.
8. He has to respect my mind.
9. He needs to make me feel safe and protected and girly. I like it when you open doors for me and, take my hand when we cross the street and take heavy things from me and all that cutesy stuff. AND I LOOOVE being picked up. If I could pay someone a dollar to pick me up every day, I'd do it.
10. Needs to make me feel hot without me needing to stuff pillows in my draws. lol.
11. Im cheating I know,this is number 11, but he has got to know how to kiss me. How to make my toes curl and my brain stop going a mile a minute.....I could keep goingwith that one, but I gotta maintain my reputation as a innocent little 8 year old. :wink:

My list is completely dynamic...it will probably change tomorrow. But , then again, it might not.