I do a lot of blog posts that I choose not to publish because they're related to people that read my blog/would be a little too raw. Sometimes, I go back and read them and for the life of me I can't remember who or what they are about. Hopefully, the readers can't either *pushes "publish" button*

The end of the year is here and as I fell asleep Saturday night, my theme for next year came to me. I was too tired to get up and write it down so I repeated it to myself over and over until I fell asleep hoping I'd remember in the morning.

#fail.

Hopefully, all that repetition engraved it in/on my psyche somewhere. It was awesome too :(

My name is Tori

and i am doing the fucking most.

Being all Cryptic As Usual

But I feel really bad about something. Sometimes you misinterpret people's behavior based on limited information and then you find out it has nothing to do with what you thought and its actually all quite noble and then youre a little ashamed.

The good news is that this person has no idea about my initial reaction, so I get to just feel bad and fix up look sharp.

It's kind of amazing how I have so much to say but can't get any of it out.

I had a great weekend in NY. I'm exhausted. I'm praying about a new opportunity.

*Sigh*

I thought I was further along with the 4 stages of grief than I seem to be. I think I'm at Anger now.

Someone Like You

I had a dream last night that I saw him (I was staying at his aunt's house and he came to visit) and I unleashed every last piece of my hurt and bitterness and my you-picked-the-bitch-who-didnt-want-to-give-you-your-share-of-the-security-deposit-even-when-you'd-lost-your-job-and-didnt-have-an-income-over-me? on him and he didn't get it. And when I woke up, I felt better for all of one second because I let it out, but then I remembered it was a dream.

For a Friend

I'm Tired

of explaining myself

of not knowing what the eff I'm doing on this project

of waiting for feedback

of not sitting still and constantly being on the go

of not having shit to do

of reading

of not being understood

of people perceptions

of (failing at) managing those perceptions

of not knowing how all this is going to work out

of not naturally playing by the rules

of not knowing what the effing rules are

of this stupid mood.

What is this sadness, this alien emotion?

It feels uncomfortable, out of place.

It started hovering sometime yesterday and today is balanced precariously in the middle of my chest.

Hopefully, it's gone tomorrow morning when I wake up. I'm not used to this anymore.

I think all that John Mayering over the past few days was a bad idea.

So much Sacred in the Month of June...

I feel bad every time I come here to say "I have nothing to say" but I don't.

June was kind of awesome as far as birthday-months go. I probably had the best birthday I've ever had in my life, but to be fair, I can't remember a lot of them, so I'm going to call this one "top 5" just in case I forgot a few.

Spent the beginning of the day just chilling at home on the phone with absolutely everyone. Packed up and went to NY and chilled some more with my home-girl and gushed about how awesome life has been. Got dressed and had dinner with the most perfect group of people and then went dancing with an even more perfect bunch. Walked into the club and Novacane was playing (which, as far as I was concerned, was a hug from God) and proceeded to dance the night away.

My phone stopped working on the way home, but I really wasn't upset. Just went around the corner to the T-Mo store and got another one. Had brunch with Mr. Nigeria, then sat on a park bench with him and my girl and just people watched. Drove home around 4pm (I think) and that was it. No drama. No annoyance. Just happy, beautiful people.

I'm a little in awe about how perfect this year is turning out to be and I know nothing is guaranteed and it can all change in an instant so it's really important to me that I show how utterly grateful I am.

This is kinda how I feel (except I'm sitting in and experiencing and loving every single moment):

And I know you're so done hearing this but it feels UH-MAAAYZING to be able to listen to "In Repair" and think "err, I'm fixed. Can't relate anymore" :D

That is all. I'm off to experience more life.

Something new.

So I met someone.

And those of you who know me know that this is complicated for reasons entirely in my head (Magneto) but it is.

I'm giddy and excited but I'm trying to calm myself because I've been here before (and that situation is why this blog exists). I get excited because you're all gung-ho and planning a future when you don't have to and calling my granddad to say happy birthday and doing so much more than even I expect, then you disappear. And then I'm lost and confused for 4 months.

Dating blows.

I'm Older!!!!

And happier, and prettier, and contenter, and dancier and so so so pleased with life.

This entire week has felt like 9am on a tuesday morning (which, if you didn't know, is a really good time to be alive).

I feel like i should do a birthday "Taking Stock" so here goes:

Faith
Things are still not perfect (as defined in my head) but I'm doing okay. Having some conversations with God and with people whose opinions I respect to help me understand what I do and don't believe. But I can say for sure that I truly believe that love is truly the greatest of them all and it trumps absolutely every rule and every law.

Family
I love them I love them I love them some more. That is all. The girls really do rock my world even if I don't say this to them all that often. I love being around them and I couldn't ask for much more.

Friendship
The big word here is gratitude. It was a really tough year personally, and people came through for me in so many ways. From midnight trips to my house to sit on the couch and just watch TV, to listening to me cry on the phone for hours, to hearing me whine about the same dumb ish over and over and over and over without saying "you really need to just get over it" to checking in regularly so I don't sit by myself and be miserable, to notes that essentially said "I know this is tough and you are loved", to dragging me out dancing no matter how tired I claimed to be, my friends really did come through for me, and I will be eternally grateful. We are changing and the relationships are evolving and I don't necessarily feel as close to certain people as I did before, but that's okay. Life happens and I love them just as much (and possibly more) than I did before.

Finances
I've been terrible. I haven't saved a penny this year because I've been flying everywhere. A couple unexpected bills later and I'm somehow broker now than I was this time last year, even after a raise and a bonus. I'm praying my raise next month is huge (*laughs at self*) so I can somehow try to catch up, but eh, I've decided to take the L on 2011 and just enjoy the ride. I'll start over in 2012.

Education/Career
Work is good again. Well, calm again. I love the team I've been working with for the past 6 months and it seems they love me too. I say this every year but it might actually be time to move on. We'll see though. I'm applying for a NY transfer so I can have my year in the city, but I don't see it happening anytime soon considering the wait. I had lofty B-school plans this time last year but those got shelved while I was being crazy (see above). I've had some time to think about it and the plans might be permanently shelved. Still thinking about it though. I have another 2 months before I have to commit.
I toyed with the idea of moving to Nigeria for a while, but I don't think its going to happen yet. My biggest driver was escaping sadness and I did. I still plan to be there in December. Lets see if Lagos still has its pull.

Relationships
I'm in a good place. I'm (sorta) dating again, and I'm actually really excited about meeting new people, compared to a few months ago when I had an internal meltdown (despite my outward elation) every time something happened. I'm still in love with love and my heart is still wiiiiiide open (which might not be a good thing), but baby steps. I'm finally done missing him, but I will admit I miss having a person. Working on ensuring I am ready for something new and not just trying to fill a void.

Physical Health and Fitness
So yeah. I started out well. Hired a personal trainer and was doing really good for like 3 months then laziness set in. Is it enough to promise to start running again next month? I'm dancing enough to constitute regular excercise though.

Addictions/Bad habits/Social Life
No addictions. Still an attention whore. LOVING LIFE right now. I made a decision around January to "enjoy the journey" and boy, has it been an excellent run since like March. I'm broke but really happy. Most weekends between now and September are booked and I'm taking french lessons.

26 was eventful to say the least. I'm happy about where I am and I am understanding that life is made up of little moments and I'm planning to live every single one of them. I thought I might be weird about getting older but I'm not. I'm content. All the small things are in perfect order, and take up my day to day existence, so I'm just not going to worry about the big ones and I'm going to dance.

On (physical) Perfection.

I am that girl you want close to you on your wedding.

I spot every out of place hair and every stray thread. I notice that your arm looks misshapen at just that angle or that particular pose highlights a little bulge. I am also that girl you hate to critique you. I will find every extraneous piece of language, every misspelt word or incorrect grammar. And I will let you know in a bid to help you fix it (since I am incapable of shutting up and I wish people would do the same for me).

This doesn't mean I don't see beauty everywhere I go. I just can immediately highlight ways to make things more perfect at least to the naked eye.

Being this way can sometimes be hard. As great as I think I am (call this pompous if you want, but if you don't think you're awesome, you should work on that) I can see every thing about you and me that is not perfect in a very logical and removed way. The sad part of this is the idea that all these things about me need to be fixed before I can be loved (which is daft and ridiculous and was disproved for two and a half years personally).

I've recently been around and seen a lot of pictures of imperfect people being loved perfectly and after I spot everything that could have been fixed, I stop and see that there truly are no conditions to this love.

It's hard to feel beautiful when you see imperfection. And it's hard to believe people when they see beautiful when you see imperfection. But sometimes, you see people seeing beauty in others because love covers a multitude of sins and that makes me hopeful.

"I wish you forever."

Is that a strange phrase?

Wordless...

I've had nothing to say for the past couple of weeks. I'm in a really good place, I just have nothing to say.

Saw him. It hurt.

Went to Barbados. Had a good time.

Back on my path and making progress. Often pleasantly surprised at how infrequently he pops into my head.

Work is utterly, blessedly relaxed.

The weather is fabulous.

Looking forward to aimlessly wandering around New York all summer.

Wondering about switching apartments. The very thought of packing up and moving is extremely daunting though.

On Goals

As much as I love reading long pieces, I never ever write them. I'm actually kind of ashamed of my inability to sit still and write out a well structured piece.

I think of articles/blogs I want to write all the time, and over the course of a week or two, draft them out in my head, fluffing them out piece by piece and rearranging paragraphs into better places. I come up with perfect lines and phrases, and profound conclusions, but the moment I open the blogger window, it all flees.

I thought, maybe if I start writing the pieces on my blackberry, I wont lose the entire thing. I tried that last night in front of the television as I watched 16 and pregnant. I have a blog on loneliness that starts out sad and ends on a note of hope and joy and the beauty of solitude, but I only got through one line.

I have another I dreamt up at the airport last week called "This summer I will" that was my list of resolutions (because why would I make them in January when the weather is awful and sometimes all we have is our vices to keep us warm?) and each day, as I slapped sunscreen on my face after my moisturizer (resolution number 1) having showered after no more than 2 snoozes on my alarm (number 2!) I thought of all the other awesome habits I planned to develop and made my mental list for the summer of awesomeness and swore I'd put them to paper as SOON as I got to work each day. I froze and, instead, tweeted inanities.

I really need to figure out how to do things that scare me. So the next thing I am putting on my list (and please don't try to hold me to it, the pressure only makes it worse) is that This summer, I will write a piece I am proud of, that isn't just me vomiting out my random thoughts. I will somehow stick this between beginning to learn French (number 3) , applying to the AfDB (number 4) and consuming copious amounts of frozen yogurt covered in mango, strawberry and kiwi pieces.

Oh yeah, and attending weddings. And laughing constantly (Seems like I'm doing a great job of those two already).

I'm waiting

And I absolutely know better.

I'm not expecting anything, but I really, really want to see him. I've started having dumb dreams again about exactly what will happen when I see him. It's all very boring really. He comes in, we smile like idiots, hug, I cry, he comforts me for a minute. I tell him where his stuff is and he goes upstairs and gets it. In one version of the dream, she is in the car, waiting outside. In another, he just loads up his stuff and he leaves. I go back in, and watch TV.

The good news is that if the last year is any predictor of the future, he wont show up.

I should probably make plans to be somewhere other than at home once he leaves.

And it continues...

Coming off another awesome weekend. I woke up this morning 40 minutes early and I wasn't even pissed. My wi-fi wasn't working so I couldn't check my usual AM-before-I-get-out-of-bed websites, and that was cool too. I just picked up my book and started reading.

I'm all gooey and gay and bright. Lol. It's cute I think.

Worked till 7 friday and then went home and read and read and read. Spent saturday morning reading too. Started spring cleaning my house but laziness and Anthony Bourdain: Without Reservations set in and I gave up on that. I ended up kinda chilling out till it was time to go to my friends moms 60th birthday and meet up with a bunch of the grad school girls. Foolish times were had by all and by midnight I understood that the Yoruba in me is deep. I beremoled and judied to my hearts desire even thought I was supposed to be helping my friends mom gather the money they sprayed her. I had a blast sha. Met up with a couple people I had met before and finally met my friends new husband and my other friends long term boyfriend. BBMed and gisted till 3:30am.

Next morning we all had brunch and I finally met the famous Pedro (who is planning to propose to his girlfriend in two days! Redunk! Life just happens so fast. One day you're a lost grad student, and the next you're turning 30 and hoping your girlfriends sister doesn't let out the secret.), and laughed to my hearts content. Spent the rest of the afternoon having the most chill, laid back, unpretentious and hilarious time ever, and then went home and gisted with my sisters for hours. I literally went to sleep laughing.

Things are still looking up and awesome. I just have to continue to remind myself to take things a day at a time but still just enjoy every moment of the experience. Definitely something new. :)

I had a such an awesome time past weekend. It was strange because I was NOT looking forward to it up until I got there. Like I picked up the rental car and was still in a funk. But everything started to just come together. I was walking and a conversation with a friend over the prior week just finally hit me and my mindset just changed. Found a dress for the event that night, wandered around by myself for a couple hours and it just became better.

It the end it was a blast, there were no dramatic moments, I didn't feel the need to get piss drunk to escape and I simply didn't stop dancing (I tried, I swear, but when I sat down, my leg wouldn't stop moving, so I figured I'd better keep dancing rather than have people think I have a twitch).

I felt beautiful, the bride looked beautiful and I was surrounded by beautiful people and good music. I ran into someone I hadn't seen in 11 years. I also outdoored my glasses and everyone thought they were cute. We'll see if I can get used to them. Good times all around.

Except for the part where one heifer was wearing my dress! I couldn't persuade anyone to help me drag her outside and strip her. *hiss*

Heading home, I got picked up by my girl and her mom and we needed to go pick up her spare keys from her late aunts place. Her mom refused to go inside so my friend went in alone and her mom and I sat in the car and she told me how she was feeling about her friends sudden passing, and about just finding out that her sister has stage IV lung cancer and how she just is struggling trying to handle it all. I think I hit epiphany number 2 (number 1 was enjoy the journey) but I don't know if I am able to elucidate it yet. Hopefully I remember to come back here and put it up.

I still feel so blessed that good things are happening to so many people around me. A 40 year old friend is 12 weeks pregnant with her first child, this friend got married to someone who seems to make her very happy, another friend is hopelessy (and requitedly) in love, another recently got engaged. I'm glad I get to witness.

2011 is looking like its going to be awesome.

This.

From a comment on "You Should Date an Illiterate Girl"

By LUCKYLEWY

In response to Charles Warnke. I told you to expect it.

Never date a guy who is broke. Meet him at the wrong time. Meet him in beautiful weather, preferably outside. Meet him when you are both interested in someone else. Add him on Facebook when you see his name pop up on the side of your page. Let him amaze you with his witty messages. Flirt. Don’t think about it too much.

Let him accept your request, months later. Talk until the sun comes out and the birds begin their song. Laugh at his jokes. Let him laugh at yours. Go into deep discussion about things like Penguins and Boxes.

Go to New York for the festive month. Let him want you. Go for a different guy. Come back to your warm state and continue the long giggly chats. Fall. Fall fast. Initiate a book club. Read Orwell.
Don’t finish the last chapter where she gets eaten alive by rats.

Go to New York in the bitter winter. Find out that he is at a lounge which serves tea. Go. Make long and intense eye contact. Look away.
It’s raining. Walk outside to fetch the car. Let him walk with you. Talk about the book.

Lead him into a room. Serve him fancy shaped ice cubes. Tell him he smells good. Fall. Embrace the silence. The dammed beautiful silence.
Let him help you prepare for an interview. Let him teach you Chapter 23. Thank him. Laugh with him when the interviewer was a complete nut.

Let him take you out for a coffee. Talk. Smile. Let him gaze into the depths of your soul. Let him fall. Let him wince in pain from “food poisoning.” Let him put his arm around you. Let him hold your hand.
Let him make historical dates and facts about the churches and buildings you pass. Laugh at him. Admire him.
When you get home and he doesn’t call or text, be hurt. Be hurt for the very first time. Want him. When you see a virtual note, describing all he feels in riddles and puns, know it’s about you. Smile. Continue talking, continue falling.

Go over seas with your family. Realize you miss talking to him. He misses you.

Make plans to be in his state for the summer. Let him take you “somewhere special” the first night you get there. Let him hold your hand. Walk around lost for an hour. Ask random strangers for useless
directions. Stumble to that special place. Breathe. Sit. Talk. Fall.
Let it rain. Let your hair frizz. Let your fucking makeup drip. You look beautiful. Beautifully in love. Let him lead you to shelter. Let him nervously kiss you for the first time at the top of the court’s steps. Laugh. Continue conversation. Then kiss him back. Fall.

Visit the museum at night. Fall asleep on each other on the eastern
staircase. Let him tell you he loves you in a tired and confused
state. Perk up. Ask him to repeat it. He won’t. Pretend you never
heard it. Lead him back to your closet of a room. Peek into a
forbidden hole. Laugh. Let him cover your mouth from laughing so you
won’t wake them up. Lay your head on his chest. Listen to his
heartbeat. Let him wrap his arms around you. Fall asleep. Wake up the
next morning. Quickly get dressed. Kiss him goodbye . Run down the
stairs. Be late for work.

Get into stupid fights because he wants to eat his cake and have it
too. Ask for closure.

Invite him over for soup. Watch him eat. Plan to watch a movie. Get
into bed. Start watching. Watch him answer his phone. Watch him leave.
Let him go.

While he’s walking you home, spontaneously take his hand and walk down
the subway’s steps. Even if it’s 3am. Take the train. Go anywhere. Let
him lean against a car on Friday night and tell you why you are being
crazy. He will tell you that he does not want to be in a relationship.
Walk away, upset. Let him follow you. Make up. Let him kiss you.

Get into more arguments about closure. Stop fighting, cause you’ll never win.

Let him sail off into the blue horizon. Miss him. Realize. Speculate.

Come back into New York for a few days before embarking on a 4 month
journey. Meet him at the park. Sit on a bench. Talk. Laugh. Smile.
Cry. Lean against the President Street bridge. Let the S train pass
from under you. Receive your first “get a room!” comment. Fall.

Meet him at a sketchy party in the outskirts of the city. Let him snub
off the frenchie that is trying to take you home. Smile. Dance. Meet
him outside. Let him kiss you under the church’s awning. Let him take
your breath away. Let him tell you that you are his world. Believe
him.

Let him give you moldy flowers. Let your heart melt. Let him put a
necklace around your neck. Tell him you love him. Let him kiss you one
last time. Bid adieu.

Go to Israel. Miss him. Arrange skype dates. Talk on the phone for
hours, like there is not 439898 miles between you. Let him tell you he
loves you for the first time.

Come home because you miss him too much. Date him. Accept his 9-12
months proposal. One year. January.

Send your Arab driver to pick him up from Miami. Knock at the door and
let your clothes come off before he even says hello. Breathe him in.
Lay in bed. Let him admire. Go for walks on the boardwalk. Make sure
you stop at the Hilton to use the bathroom. Promise that next time we
will bring bathing suits for we are going swimming in the hotel pool.

Drive to Deleon springs. Buy lotto tickets on the way. Tell him you
know you will break up in a year. Watch him wiggle in discomfort in
his seat. Lay on a white sheet under the canopy trees. Eat
strawberries. Love. Walk into an antique shop. Laugh. Suggest Cohens.
Sit at the table closest to the door. Order a hamburger. Stop eating
one bite through because he will not stop staring. Smile. Say “What?”
Let him tell you that he could get used to this. Believe him. Fall.

Take the shuttle with him to the airport. Write letters to each other
before you part. Hold onto him and cry. Cry until there are no tears
left.

Be inseparable. Write. Talk. Laugh. Smile. Skype. Message. Be best friends.

Go to New York. Link arms while walking into OT. Let everyone gawk at
you. You beautiful couple. Let him take you upstairs. Look at the
picture of him as a boy. Kiss him. Go to South street sea port. Hook
up in the Express dressing room. Try on tacky lingerie for him. Let
him take you to an organic cupcake joint. Lick frosting off his mouth.
Laugh. Love. Nervously meet his brother and sister in law. Breathe.
Eat terra chips. Smile. Let them like you.

Introduce him to your parents. Smile when you see them all together.
Let him play with your nieces and talk to your sister and her husband.
Be happy. Think you could so get used to it.

Run your hands through his hair. Let him convince you. Do it. Use candy if it’s bad. See him enjoy. Sin.

Let him see your weaknesses. Cry when things get heavy with mum. Cry
to him. Leave your mark on his white shirt. The shirt you bought him.

Stumble into photo booths every time you see one. Keep them all over
your room as little reminders.

Bring up marriage. Hear him tell you that he is still not ready and
needs time. Tell him you need to be with him. Cry when he doesn’t
understand. Tell him you need to wake up to him. Cry again. Feel your
heart break when he doesn’t budge.

Go to Australia. Hope things will get better. Watch as they get worse.
Try to be happy. Try not to miss him. Be nice. Understand he still
won’t be ready. Feel like shit. Slip away. Let him slip away

Date a guy who will keep you waiting. Date a guy who you love more
than you love anything. Date a guy who can’t drive. But never date a
guy who is broke. Because he knows that less money means more
struggling. And God forbid should one struggle. He will blame
everything on the fact that he is not financially able. He will loose
faith. He will loose you. He lost you.

Cry to him one last time. See how he watches you, unmoved. Unaffected.
Watch him as his smug shoulders shrug, watch him as doesn’t care. Let
him go. Don’t think too much about it.

Don’t think too much about him.

Let him go.

My self confidence is back. I remember blogging a long time ago about vacationing with 2 beautiful women with self image issues and being very uncomfortable because I had never had any major issues with the way I looked.

As hard as it is to admit it, that changed while I was with him.

And being away from him for the past year and a half has me back to where I used to be. Walking past the mirror and loving what I see.

I am patiently waiting

• For the day I don't drive up to my apartment and look at the front door, hoping you're either standing there waiting for me or that there is a package there from you
• For the day I don't walk by the front desk at work when the UPS guy comes and look up expectantly for my name to be called because there are flowers or cupcakes or serta frigging counting sheep waiting for me
• For the day I can just listen to Evolver and it's just an album
• For the day I don't have to restrain myself from talking about you
• For the day I'm not sad about how you'll miss out on every change that happens to me. From my new smell, to the scar on the back of my right hand to my changing body.
• For the hour I don't think about you.
  
  

Why do I still feel so broken?

7 Things...

Taynement is going to kill me if I don't and I live alone and I'm concerned people wont find my body for weeks, so I figure its a good idea to stay alive and give you my things

1. I love mornings. It might take me an hour to get out of bed, but I'm just happy to be alive and excited to see everyone. I don't need coffee or tea or anything to be perky I just am. Sometimes, its all I can do not to skip through the hallways at work. And I hate it when I'm awake and everyone is sleeping. There is so much glorious day to just LEAP right in to! ....then it all comes crashing down around 4pm then I don't want to be bothered.
2. I feel like I have tears behind my eyes, waiting for every opportunity to come crashing down. Every stupid thing makes me cry. I cry during every episode of Teen Mom. I cried (well, single tear) when Finn announced the formation of "Furt". I cried when my friend told me she can now listen to "Lucky" (she used to hate the song). I bawled at work when I watched this cute video. But just as soon as I'm done crying, I'm back to perky.
3. I'm really excited to be part of my friends weddings. Nothing says "I-love-you-and-trust-you-and-think-our-friendship-can-withstand-the-threat-of-zillaism" like the request for you to be a bridesmaid. Now, clearly I'm delusional and I'm doing my rainbows and butterflies thing again, but I just feel like the bridesmaids have the most fun at weddings. They get to wear cute dresses and know most of the guests and dance like no ones watching (and Jide Alakija/Collins Metu/Atunbi catch them looking beautiful and happy). Win-win no? No?
4. I do think I'm smarter than your average (what? I never claimed to be humble) but I cannot read people AT ALL. I have no idea if you're warming up to me or dislike me or seem intrigued etc. Because of this, I am utterly ridiculously socially awkward. I overcompensate for everything. I've never recognized that a guy was into me without directly being told (or realized the object of my affections did not feel the same way without embarrassing myself first). It often takes me a while to realize I've offended someone (and by "a while" I mean "someone pulled me aside and tells me"). I'm just glad people who become my friends find it cute and amusing (I hope. And if I'm wrong, don't correct me.).
5. I am ambivalent about absolutely everything. It actually scares me a little. I can pretend that I care, just to seem normal but in reality, I don't. I don't have a favorite TV show or book or author, I don't do anything religiously. I claim to love plantain above all else, but though I do like plantain a lot, I'd live if there wasn't any. I just find peoples reaction to the fact I eat it raw funny. I don't read/watch the news or care a great deal about politics, or music (though work is impossible without music). I'm just enough of an information junkie that I can have an intelligent (and seemingly well informed) conversation about anything. If it makes people think I know what I'm talking about, oops.
6. I have no talents. I cannot sing to save anyones life (trust me, I've tried. I'm currently shopping for a voice coach self, so I don't deafen myself since I insist on doing it so much). I'm not artistically creative at all (I wanted to be an architect till I realized I can't draw, so I resolved to marry one. I'm failing at that too). I can't make up a rhyme or write poetry. Even on the dance floor, I just absorb what everyone else is doing and am secretly jealous. Well, I take that back. I think I make a fantastic critic. I can tell you how to make ANYTHING better (and you will agree with my edits). I just can't dream stuff up myself.
7. I want to move to Nigeria this year. Not for any strong reason (see point 5). Just because. No idea what I want to do there, or what life will be like.

There. How's that for getting to know my deepest, darkests?

I guess I'm not the only person who wakes up a couple hours before I have to be at work and fafs around until I have to speed-shower.